The One with the Aftermath

It's been three weeks, y'all.

Three glorious weeks.

Three amazing, inspiring, freeing, enlightening, joy-filled weeks.

Three weeks ago, our family made the decision to leave Classical Conversations and take on our homeschooling journey solo this year.

{ Just as a reminder: We LOVED the people in our co-op. We just didn't agree with the business behind the co-op. Or the cost. Or the time commitment. Or... well, you probably get the idea. }

I honestly cannot even put into words the freedom that followed making this decision. Y'all, we had been fully committed 110% to homeschooling our children through high school with CC. Once we found the program, we jumped in with both feet and never looked back. Unfortunately, we didn't adequately look ahead, either.

I'm not going to take up an entire post to share the 101 reasons why CC is no longer the right fit for my family. Rather, I'd just like to joyfully share what we've been up to these past three weeks, and what we've put together for our school year!

Once we made our decision to leave CC, I immediately went into purge mode. This is the period of time, about a week, during which I sold off all CC-related program materials. For a company that touts "stick in the sand" as its principal educational methodology, y'all, I brought in almost $1,500 by selling all of my CC materials during purge mode. It would likely hurt my feelings to go back and determine how much I actually spent when I originally purchased all of those materials, so suffice it to say CC requires a whole heck of a lot more than a stick and some sand! 💰💰💰😂

Immediately following purge mode, I blissfully entered a season of peaceful rest. This was the point at which I had all.the.freedom.in.the.world. to decide what and how our homeschool would work.

I began by having beautiful conversations with each of my children.

We discussed what THEY were interested in.

What THEY wanted to learn about.

What THEY found exciting and thrilling.

What THEY thought would be fun.

What THEY felt would bring them joy.

And then I started building our plans from there! No more shackles! Instead, we had uninhibited freedom to return to a love of learning! Together--as a family. The way we had intended to do this from the beginning. So much joy there, y'all!

I initially looked into the possibility of joining a local Scholé group that meets in our area. I met with their director, who was amazing, and learned about their program. It was so wonderful! The costs were unbelievably reasonable, all of the parents worked together in a true co-op environment, the children had a restful pace of learning, and the curricula was simple and beautiful. They met once per week, with field trips scheduled every month, and it overall appeared to be a wonderful solution for my family.

However, after talking with my kids, we all agreed we were so unbelievably grateful for our newfound freedom that we didn't want to be tethered by a weekly community day. We wanted to embrace a relaxed schedule of doing whatever we wanted to do, whenever we wanted to do it. Hubs and I discussed and prayed over the decision, and felt confirmation to continue on our own this year. 💜

Thus began the process of selecting curricula for my kiddos! It's been a joyful and exciting process for me! I've loved being able to choose materials that my children and I will love. Here's how it's shaping up (for those who are interested in the details):

// HISTORY

LO is excited about preparing to take the US History I CLEP exam in the spring, and we both felt it would be perfect to study American History as a family this year. I'm super stoked about this because we would have been studying Medieval History with our previous co-op, and none of my kids were very thrilled about that. I found this incredible program called America the Beautiful from Notgrass History.

What I love about America the Beautiful is that it combines American history, geography, and literature into one course! It combines the flexibility and richness of a unit study with the simplicity of a textbook-based approach to history. There are daily lessons to guide students chronologically through American history, highlighting key events, people, and places. And I love the corresponding literature book selections! And did I mention there is a cookbook that has recipes from all of the states to create and enjoy? This one is going to be great! Even though the course is designed for 5th - 8th grade, I plan to have Chase complete this course with LO, and will have E listen along to the readings and work on related coloring pages, activity sheets, etc. So ALL of us will be learning from ONE course TOGETHER. YAY!

// SCIENCE

When I asked LO what she wanted to study for science, she eagerly listed a plethora of interests! This didn't surprise me as my girl loves her some science! When gently forced to limit her choices to her top 3 or 4, she went with Astronomy, Minerals, Weather, and Oceans. That seemed super specific to me, but I was intent to find what she wanted. Imagine my surprise when I discovered General Science 1 from Master Books! It perfectly fit the bill!

One of the things that sold me on this program (besides the extremely reasonable price tag!) was the fact that the Teacher Guide included a weekly lesson schedule, the student worksheets, the quizzes and tests, and the answer key--all on ONE book. No separate workbooks or answer keys or added costs. EASY, y'all.

My kiddos and I will explore oceans, astronomy, weather, and minerals and discover fascinating facts, incredible wonders, captivating creatures, and God’s glory on display throughout creation! This course is designed for 7th - 12th grades, but we plan to use it with the whole family, adjusting as needed for Chase and E.

// SPANISH

Our family is thrilled to switch things up this year and move on from Latin to Spanish! I did a lot of research to find a program that wasn't workbook-driven, was designed for children, would work well for kids of various ages, and be fun and engaging at an easy pace. That's a lot to ask for! Thankfully, all signs pointed to La Clase Divertida!

I was concerned that the video samples look like they were filmed in 1987, but I looked past that and enjoyed how engaging it was for the room full of students. There are a lot of great activities that go along with the program, and I can't wait for us to go through this program together!

// ENGLISH

This is one area where my kiddos will receive individual instruction while working through resources I selected specifically for their reading and writing levels. I chose BJU Press materials for LO and Chase, so there will be some helpful similarities and continuity within the two programs.

Chase will be using English 4 Writing & Grammar. This will be his first year using an official writing program, and I'm super thrilled at what we will cover! Parts of speech and sentence structures are examined in detail to help him gain a mastery of grammar. The writing process is explained step-by-step to be implemented in a variety of writing assignments, including a personal narrative, a research report, and a business letter. I just love this! 💙

Choosing a level for LO was a bit more involved. Luckily, I was at the BJU Educators Marketplace down the street from the BJU campus, and could flip through the various grade levels. This was SUCH a blessing, because I'm not sure we would've ended up with what we did had I not had the opportunity to flip through the pages of the books.

I started with Writing & Grammar 7, looked through the table of contents, and started flipping through the pages. Everything I read, she already knew. So I grabbed Writing & Grammar 8. SAME. Then I went for Writing & Grammar 9.

Near the end of Chapter 1, after discussing the four kinds of sentences, subjects and predicates, basic sentence patterns, and fragments, they introduced and discussed comma splices and fused sentences. Eureka! These were concepts I was certain she was not familiar with. So I landed on 9th grade English for LO. She couldn't be more thrilled to finally learn something new after spending the past 3 years going over the same information she had pretty much mastered the first year.

For E, I'm going to use Language Smarts Level B from The Critical Thinking Co. It's a single workbook that is a full Language Arts curriculum. E still isn't reading independently, so we've been spending lots of time working on letters and sounds, as well as reading simple words. We'll use this comprehensive workbook to teach reading, writing, grammar, and punctuation skills and concepts that students are expected to know in first grade. E will also develop critical thinking, vocabulary, and several other skills and concepts normally taught in second grade. I'm excited to see how his reading and writing skills look at the end of the year after completing this workbook!

// MATH

This is another area where my kiddos will receive individual instruction. LO's curriculum is still a big question mark at this point. We've jumped around a bit over the past 5 years from Singapore to Saxon to Teaching Textbooks, back to Saxon, and back to Teaching Textbooks. I'm afraid our inability to find a suitable math program for her has left her with significant gaps. I'm currently looking for a mastery-based math program for her. I'll have her take a placement test when I find the right curriculum, but I wouldn't be surprised if we'll go back a level or two in order to ensure she has a solid understanding of the basics.

Chase is still killing it with Teaching Textbooks 5, so we're going to continue with it. I LOVE that it's all online and I don't have to do any grading! It's a very hands-off program, which is working wonderfully for him (and me!).

For E, I have decided to try Master Books' Math Lessons for a Living Education: Level 1. This story-based approach invites students to participate in the story, make mathematical connections, explore the world around them, and realize the value of math in their own lives. I'm excited to start our first real math program together! E really loves numbers and has done well with learning his skip counting, so this ought to be a fun adventure for us!

Of course there are several additional programs I'll be using this year for spelling, accounting, typing, coding, piano, etc. And I'm also thrilled to already have several field trips lined up for the fall semester. Everything is falling into place, and I couldn't be more grateful that God has led us here. All of us are incredibly excited to get into the full routine of our school year!

The One with the Unexpected Turn of Events

Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher, has been quoted as saying, “change is the only constant in life.”

Well, let me tell you, friends: we just experienced a MAJOR change over this past weekend. Let me hit you with some back story.

We first made the decision to homeschool back in June 2014. We started homeschooling when LO was entering 2nd grade. Well, technically, we started earlier than that -- not by choice (refer to #3 in that link). Our first year was good, but I felt we were lacking both community and accountability.

Enter Classical Conversations!

I once wrote a very detailed post about CC and what it offers. In summary? A lot. It offers a lot! We were sold on the incredible program and had every intention of taking our kids through high school with Classical Conversations.

We attended our very first day of community in September of 2015. How cute are these tiny (slightly blurry) littles?

However, our plans came to an incredibly unexpected and screeching halt over the weekend.

Late last Saturday night, hubs and I made the decision to leave Classical Conversations.

((insert GASP! here))

It's really strange because it wasn't like "some big thing happened" that suddenly changed our minds. Rather, it was simply a focused reflection over the past several months, coupled with an intentional deep dive of how the next 16(ish) years would unfold. For our family, what we gleaned was unsettling to say the least.

Here's what I will freely say: For four years, we had, without a doubt, the BEST Classical Conversations community of families that ever existed in all of mankind. It's true! We loved our community, we had an incredible Director, the families were always loving, caring, and supportive of each other, and our children made wonderful friends there. If you're reading this and you're one of those families, please know how much we love you and how much we will miss you on Tuesdays! (But pretty please, can we still have play dates?)

At the end of the day, finances played a big role in our decision. When it was time to re-enroll back in February, we were shocked to see the application fees for our boys' programs increased 70%! That's a pretty significant hike! It was disappointing, but again, we felt committed that CC was THE homeschool plan for our family, so we paid it and applied for the 2019-2020 school year.

I'll be honest--a cloud of doubt began to circle around that time because I just couldn't understand why corporate fees would need to increase so significantly in one year. Especially when you're essentially dealing with single-income, Christian homeschooling families. But again -- committed to the program -- we jumped ahead with both feet, which, coincidentally, is the only way I know how to commit to things. 😜

So one day, fueled solely by curiosity, I decided to put together a spreadsheet outlining our homeschool plans to educate our 4 children through CC. It was kind of like this colorful example below, but it included each of our kids' names, as well as the tuition cost for each child, for each year, through 2035 thankyouverymuch!

I will add that the numbers I used in my spreadsheet were based solely on the CURRENT tuition costs for the programs (which, like any program, will likely increase over the next 16 years), and DID NOT include application, supply, or facility fees, or ANY of the additional curriculum or supplies we would need in order to successfully complete each year with our CC community.

Y'all, I won't disclose any numbers here (I'll encourage you to do it for yourself--it's quite enlightening!), but I will just say, without a doubt, that it was A LOT.

And I get it -- it's not as much as a private school education or whatever else... okay. But it's HOMESCHOOLING. Something the Lord has called us to do for our children. Something I am actually quite capable of doing on my own (with the Lord's direction) if desired. For free--or at the very least, much cheaper.

It was a LOT, y'all.

And it's not like all of that money would directly bless my amazing local community. Registration fees? Corporate. An appalling almost 25% of tuition (for Challenge programs)? Corporate. Why would I want to send our hard-earned money off to a corporation in the business of making money, while I would be the one doing all the heavy lifting of schooling my own children at home every day as well as directing a room full of students one day a week for 30 weeks?

I then quickly came to this realization, which is probably the second greatest factor in why we made the decision we did for our family:

There is no way, given our current circumstances, that we could afford to participate in a Classical Conversations community through high school for all 4 of our children UNLESS I TUTOR OR DIRECT A PROGRAM EVERY.SINGLE.YEAR.

This was both enlightening and devastating to me all in the very same instant.

I am certainly grateful that CC provides opportunities for parents to tutor or direct their programs.

But y'all. Would those opportunities happen to exist for me each and every year as I'd need them to?

Hmmm...

So what was the greatest factor in why we made the decision we made for our family? This thought/realization:

HOW MUCH OF ME ARE MY CHILDREN GOING TO LOSE AS A RESULT OF THE COMMITMENT I'VE MADE TO LEAD STUDENTS EVERY WEEK IN COMMUNITY?

At the elementary level, this really wouldn't be that significant.

But for leading programs for middle and high school students? It would, without a doubt, be several hours each week of my time focused on preparing lesson plans for discussion in class--rather than cuddling up with my kids to read stories, work through annoyingly difficult math problems, or go for nature walks.

Sure, there are lots of amazingly qualified moms and dads who welcome this responsibility each year. And I trust they are rock stars at it whose kids don't suffer as I anticipate mine would.

Did I mention I had planned to direct one of the middle school programs this year? It would be my first time directing. Normally I like to PREPARE! PREPARE! PREPARE! like 12,000 years ahead of time because I'm all kinds of OCD/Type A like that.

But June arrived and for some reason I wasn't jumping in with both feet.

Since my family started our homeschool year on June 3rd, I decided I would just put my focus on my kids for the month of June, making sure we were all in the swing of things with our supplemental curriculum, and wait until July to dive into my preparations to direct.

July then arrived. It was almost half over when I realized I hadn't yet buckled down and started the heavy workload of prep needed to effectively lead a class 12- and 13-year-olds in the classical studies of debate, exposition, grammar, logic, reasoning, and research.

What was going on???

The prior year, I had tutored a class of 4th-6th graders in our community and I vividly remember excitedly preparing and planning and laminating all.the.things. the summer beforehand in anticipation of a wonderful year.

But that wasn't the case this time.

What was going on???

I had to look deep inside my heart to figure this out. I had to plead to the Lord for answers since I trusted He knew me better than I knew myself. I had to cry out for explanations for the massive confusion I was feeling!

I thought we had a plan! I thought you and I were on the same page, God! Why does this suddenly not seem right?

Lots of tears ensued. Lots of discussions with hubs. Lots of prayers and Scripture searching.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” - Psalm 32:8

It wasn't until last week that we started getting the feeling that perhaps God was telling us that CC may no longer be His plan for our family. And I begrudgingly began to accept that... with the expectation that He was referring to NEXT year. I mean, I had already enrolled my children for the fall, and had already committed to leading one of the programs this year. Obviously whatever God is trying to tell me only applies to NEXT year.

Or did it??

Now we're all caught up and it's (last) Saturday night. I said it without even realizing what I was saying:

What if we don't go back this year?

((gasp))

The thought had NEVER occurred to me until that very moment.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” - Joshua 1:9

The first thoughts I had after making that statement were, "What would happen to the families enrolled in the program I was committed to direct? What would happen if they weren't able to find someone else to take it over? How could God possibly be calling me to make a decision that could potentially have a negative impact on families and friends I loved so dearly?"

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” - Jeremiah 29:11

Here's the thing: If I have to make a decision concerning what is best for my children vs. what is best for my (beloved) community, I will choose my children every.single.time.

Spoiler alert, y'all: God is BIGGER than you. He's GREATER than your circumstances. He's WORKING in ways beyond your four walls that you can't even imagine.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” - Deuteronomy 31:8 

At the end of the day--quite literally as I believe it was around 1:15 AM--hubs and I had resolved to leave Classical Conversations this year.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7 

Sunday morning we had an incredible day of worship (as usual!) at church, followed by lunch at Culver's (SHOCKER!). Once we were home after lunch, we sat the kids down to share the news with them. They really surprised us! I was concerned with how they'd react, but all of them were totally fine with the decision! Of course, they each mentioned how much they'd miss their friends, but ultimately they were excited to chart a new course together as a family.

After speaking with the kids, I made the phone calls I needed to make to officially resign my position as director, and leave our beloved CC community.

God has been faithful--as if there were ever any doubt--and has brought an incredibly awesome individual forward to take my place in directing the program I stepped away from. Isn't He the BEST, Jerry?? THE BEST!!

So where does that leave my family?

Umm... I'm not quite sure! I honestly have absolutely no idea which doors God will open for us this year. I am seeking His direction and have a few thoughts in mind. But at the end of the day, I am pressing through the fear, surrendering it all to the One who holds us in His loving hands.

Even now, I can look back and see how God was paving this path for us (without my knowledge or consent--the nerve!). haha! And I can't even describe the peace He has provided in this midst of this decision! It's difficult for people like me to not have all.the.things. planned out, but I know God is capable of bringing about so much good through this surrendered decision, and I am choosing to rest comfortably in His grace.

If you'd like more information on what we selected for our 2019-2020 curriculum, check out this post.

If you'd like to hear me vent about CC's Essentials grammar program and how it failed my oldest, check out this post.

35 Weeks: Appointment 2 of 2

My second appointment for this week was at the Maternal-Fetal Medicine office rather than my usual OB office. It included a growth ultrasound to estimate how big the baby is, in addition to the twice-weekly BPP u/s.

I'm happy to report he looked amazing, passed his BPP, and was estimated to be 6 lbs. even. With the average gain of half a pound a week, we're looking at an estimated 7 lb. 8 oz. baby! I think that sounds great!

I had an interesting day yesterday with some unexpected contractions that included crazy-awful lower back pain. It was not fun! The back pain really hasn't subsided much, but I'm trying to take it easy and put some heat on it when I can.

Our little guy was still in the right position (no more breech - yay!!) and was even face-down -- the perfect position for delivery, but NOT the greatest position to get good pictures of his sweet little face. We were able to get a few profile pics, but he had a hand and the cord right next to his face, so unfortunately they weren't the best.

Other than taking it easy (as much as one can with three littles), there hasn't been much else happening, which is EXACTLY what I need right now. I have limited my outside commitments to almost ZERO (woot!), and have a list a mile long of things I still need to complete before the baby arrives. I haven't even packed either of our hospital bags, so obviously he's not allowed to even think about coming until after that is done. And his nursery still is not ready. And so many other things! I'm definitely in more of a "slow-mo" phase right now than a "nesting" phase. So little energy, so much to do! haha! I know it will all get finished eventually. Until then, I'm just taking things one day at a time and accomplishing whatever I feel capable to get done without overdoing it.

Next Monday we have one last shower, generously given by hubs' coworkers. They are calling it a "Dipes & Wipes" shower, a term I've never heard of before now! I'm familiar with Diaper Showers, but the "Dipes & Wipes" thing just makes me laugh! This baby boy will be SET in the diaper department before he even arrives! We're so grateful!

Next week I'm back to my usual Tuesday and Friday appointments, so check back for updates! Thanks to each of you for following along on our journey!

Hugs!

35 Weeks: Appointment 1 of 2

I just finished at my first of two BPP u/s and doctor visits for this week and I'm happy to report that baby deserves a giant GOLD STAR today!! First of all, his fluid level went back up to 15.8!!! Thank you, Lord! It was at 16 last Tuesday, but dropped unexpectedly all the way down to 10 on Friday. I don't think I could have drank more water in a lifetime as I have these past three days! But it was worth it! Baby performed well for his BPP, quickly earning all 8 of the available 8 points. Yes! Another 8/8! Hurray!!

In other amazingly awesome news, my little guy found his way back to the head-down position!!!! I can't even believe it! I seriously have been researching C-sections and ECVs and all sorts of poses and exercises to help get him out of the breech position, and -- at least for now -- I don't need to worry about any of it! Let's just hope he decides to STAY in his current position for the next 29 days!

On my way home from the appointment, God is Able by Hillsong came on the radio. It was just the reminder I needed that even in the midst of fear, worry, and uncertainty, God is greater than our circumstances and able to do far more than we could ever ask or imagine. I'm so grateful for His hand of protection over our sweet baby!

God is able

He will never fail

He is almighty God

Greater than all we seek

Greater than all we ask

He has done great things

God is with us

God is on our side

He will make a way

Far above all we know

Far above all we hope

He has done great things

- God is Able by Hillsong

35 Weeks!

Here's my weekly update that I finally remembered to start doing! Only 8 months in... it still counts for something though, right? ;)

Week and day: 35 weeks

Belly Button in or out: Totally in. 

Wedding rings on or off: Totally still on.

Food cravings: Cake, cake, and more cake! Oh, and good Mexican food. And cereal. And fruit. You know, basically everything I CAN'T have.

Food aversions: None!

Nausea: None!

Energy level: Still solid, surprisingly! I'm well into my 3rd trimester... only about 30 days away from delivery... and my energy level is on point! This is super awesome because there are still a zillion things to do to get ready for baby. Packing hospital bags is #1 on my agenda this week. Let's hope it gets done!

Weight gain: Not bad! I don't have actual numbers, and even if I did, I doubt I would share them - LOL! Overall I'm pleased with the fact that I KNOW I haven't gained 50 pounds, so I'm counting it a win!

Mood: Great! The countdown is on (less than a month, people!) so I'm doing everything I can to soak up these last few weeks as a family of five and spend as much time with my favorite littles while I still can give them my full attention. 

Maternity clothes: Duh. Seriously.

Size of baby: According to the generic BabyCenter stats, he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds -- about the size of a honeydew melon. See more below.

Next appointment: I have an OB appointment tomorrow (Monday) morning at 11:15 AM for another BPP (biophysical profile) ultrasound to check on baby and measure the AFI (amniotic fluid index). I'm praying everything looks great and the fluid level is back up. I have an appointment on Thursday afternoon at the MFM (Maternal-Fetal Medicine) office to check on baby's growth. He was estimated to be 4 lbs. 6 oz. at my last growth scan at 32 weeks, so I'm interested to see how much he's grown in the past 3 weeks.

What I've been up to: As I mentioned above, I'm trying to savor every moment as a family of five. I know each time we've welcomed a new baby into our family, I almost immediately forgot what life was like before that baby's arrival. Newlywed life? Parents of a single child? Parents of two? And now parents of three? The phases of our family have changed drastically over the past almost 12 years, and while each season has been amazing and incredible in its own right, my focus has always been on whatever current stage we were in. I know once baby #4 arrives, we won't be able to imagine what life was like before him, so I'm taking it all in now as best as I can.

Arrival plan: Still planning an induction at 39 weeks, though Sweet Baby may have plans of his own. I will be anxiously awaiting both of my ultrasounds each week leading up to his arrival to see if he's finally decided to get back into the headfirst position. I still can't believe he went breech on me! Silly boy! I'm VERY hopeful we don't end up with a C-section due to his position (or any of my other risk factors), but I guess only time will tell!

Guess what? I remembered to share a pic from today! How 'bout that belly!

Baby Update

I had my second BPP (biophysical profile) ultrasound and doctor visit for the week today. I'm pretty much on a Tuesday/Friday schedule, and I'll post updates if/when I have any info on baby worth sharing. Today was definitely worth documenting!

I started with the BPP and, no surprise, little boy was STILL breech. This is so shocking to me! Literally, how do you spend 8 months in there with your head basically ready to hit the escape hatch only to do a 180 and stress your mama out!? Goodness. I asked the doctor afterward at what point they become concerned that the baby will NOT return to the head-down position, and she said every day after 35 weeks it becomes more and more likely they will remain breech.

Guess who's 35 weeks on Sunday?

Sunday. As in, MOTHER'S DAY, people! I'll be 35 weeks on Sunday -- Mother's Day -- and it's officially the start of the end of my plans for a standard delivery. ALL THREE of my kiddos were inductions at 39 weeks. What is this little guy thinking?? I guess he realizes he's in complete control of the situation and there's literally almost nothing I can do about it. SO, in true mom2lo fashion, I've started researching c-sections to get myself up-to-speed on what to expect should we need to go that route. Ultimately whatever it takes to get this baby here safely is exactly what I want -- whether it adheres to my birth plan or not!

There was one other "issue" discovered today. At my BPP on Tuesday, my AFI (amniotic fluid index) was 16. During today's BPP, just 3 days later, it was 10. My doctor was concerned by the decrease, so much so that she wanted me to move next Tuesday's appointment to Monday morning instead. Now, it could be something as simple as dehydration -- perhaps I didn't drink enough water before my appointment this morning compared to Tuesday. Or it could be an issue with the placenta failing, which I've been told all along is a possibility as I get further along into my pregnancy due to the gestational diabetes. Regardless, it got my attention and has me slightly concerned.

According to my expert medical googling, the amniotic fluid index is between 5 cm (2 in.) and 24 cm (9.4 in.). So, 10 seems a bit on the low to me. If the fluid is too low, it can affect how the baby grows and can lead to complications during labor and delivery. This is obviously NOT part of my birth plan, either! As you can imagine, I've probably had about 4 gallons of water since returning home from this morning's appointment, and I plan to keep it up throughout the weekend in an effort to raise this baby's fluid level!

I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and prayers over the next few days. I'm not as freaked out as I could be, which is a huge blessing in itself! But my heart is definitely a bit heavier after today's appointment than it was beforehand.

Also, since I didn't have a picture to share with my 34 Weeks post on Tuesday, I decided to take a quick pic this afternoon to include here.

Grow, baby! Grow!

P.S. mmmmmmmmm cookies!

Keeping It OhSoVery Real

===I'll originally wrote this post several weeks ago, but stumbled across it tonight in my drafts, and figured I ought to post it if for no other reason that to serve as a reminder for me to reflect back on in the months and years ahead.===


Y'all. It's 4:32 PM as I'm starting to write this post, and I just woke up from a 3-hour Sunday afternoon nap. And it was heavenly! I wish I could say this has been the norm for me, now in my 3rd trimester with baby #4, but sadly, I haven't had quite as many nap opportunities as I'd like. Such a shame, no?

Today I felt compelled to share a little glimpse of what these past few days have taught me. In our Sunday School class this morning, we were asked, "Where did you see God show up this week?" It didn't take long for me to think of several of the ways He showed up in my life this week. My wheels started turning and I found myself compelled to write this post. So buckle up, friends! It's about to get real over here!

God has been working in my heart and life in a very specific way over the past year. And let me tell you -- He's had His work cut out for Him to get through to me in this specific area. Let's just say I have had a tendency to commit, commit, and overcommit myself -- in many areas -- and sometimes to my own detriment. Okay, in ALL areas. I love to serve. God created me with a servant's heart. And I feel He has gifted me in more ways than I am deserving of, which makes it even more apparent to me that I should live to serve Him and others by using those gifts. And for thirty-COUGH-something years -- definitely from my late teens until now -- I have done just that. Maybe with a few blips here and there where I might have turned down a service opportunity or two, but for the most part, living to serve. And loving every minute of it.

Just think about it. As a teenager, I had free time. As a young, single, working professional, I had free time. In spades. Even as a newly-married woman, and then a first-time mom, I still had time. And I didn't have to really even think about anything -- serving others was just part of who I was, who I'd been for so many years, and I never questioned it. I just did it. And I truly believe God blessed me and others through my efforts, and sometimes, even through my sacrifices.

Fast-forward a bit to last year. It's now 2016. I have been married over 10 years. I have 3 children. I am a full-time homeschool teacher, bearing (with God's help, and my husband's gracious support) the burden of my childrens' educations, a responsibility that I do NOT take lightly. My life continued to evolve and the demands for my time were beginning to spiral out of control.

So tell me: Which do you think would God honor more?

Focusing my time and energy on my marriage, or spending time serving in one (okay, really, several) ministries?

Preparing homeschool lessons for my children, or spending hours as a volunteer photographer for my childrens' various activities?

Deepening my walk with the Lord through an immersive 3-day prayer and Bible study experience, or baking for 3 days straight to help raise money for a non-profit organization?

Let me be clear: there are no WRONG ways to serve God. At least, that's what I believe. But sometimes, in all of the serving, in all of the giving, in all of the thinking you're doing the right things, God can show up in unexpected ways.

Let me give you just one (of MANY) examples: I never in a million years would have expected God to call me out of the Worship ministry at my church. I had served as a relatively integral part of our worship team--on piano/keys--for over 20 years. TWENTY YEARS, people. And I loved every. single. minute. of it. I had a purpose, and it was a good one! Helping to lead others to the Lord through worship was something I felt God just had to bless, right?

But at what cost?

This is where I get ohsovery real with y'all. It's something I haven't really shared with anyone, I haven't brought attention to it through facebook posts, and I definitely haven't blogged about here. But 2015 and 2016 brought the strongest and hardest marital struggles I had ever experienced. I'm not going to get into details here, but let's just say that my marriage was suffering. Like, really suffering. Satan had his grip on us and was throwing everything possible at us to pull us apart. I honestly can't even discuss this beyond what I've said already as I can't bring myself back to that place to talk about it. It's still too raw and too deep. But my point in mentioning it is this: I put my time and effort and energy into serving God through so many activities and commitments and various ways of volunteering within the church that I was no longer investing the time and energy in making my marriage a priority.

But I was still serving God, so He should bless me and my life, right?

WRONG.

I say all of this to say that sometimes, you HAVE to make a choice.

Sometimes, you HAVE to reevaluate your priorities.

Sometimes, you HAVE to say no.

For people like me, that's not an easy concept, and it's surely a difficult one to embrace. I'm reminded of the Old Testament, when Joshua spoke these words:

"But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the LORD gave you: to love the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him, to keep his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul." {Joshua 22:5}

Am I loving God and walking in obedience to Him when I say NO to taking on a volunteer commitment for a church ministry?

Am I keeping His commands when I say NO to taking on a large project for our homeschool co-op?

Am I serving Him with all my heart and with all my soul when I say NO to ((fill in the blank))?

Saying no is okay. It doesn't mean I don't love God. It doesn't mean I don't love others. It just means that I love my God, my husband, my family, and myself enough to do the RIGHT things at the RIGHT times. This season of life with three-going-on-four young children who demand so much of my time just isn't the right time for me to say yes to ALL.THE.THINGS. It just isn't. And that's okay!

It's taken me almost 10 years to figure that out.

It really is OKAY.

I love my husband. I love my children. And I want to be the VERY BEST wife and mother I can be. And that takes time. It takes commitment. It takes making my husband and kids a priority.

And I'm perfectly okay with that.

So please know that yes, I love to help. I love to serve. And I love to be God's hands and feet to make a difference in the lives of those He calls me to serve. But please also know that God can (and has and will!) honor my choice to say no sometimes so I can ensure my focus continues to be on Him and His plans for my life and my family.

Please also know that I'm not at all saying that you shouldn't volunteer in your church, find a place to serve with your children's various activities, take a meal to a friend in need, start a Bible study, etc... I just want to remind you that you should evaluate your priorities and try not to take on TOO much.

I know this was a long read and for those that made it this far, thank you! I am hopeful that this post has been an encouragement to one (or more!) who needed to hear it. Sometimes we need to be reminded that it's okay to say no, because taking on too much can come with too great a cost. And I don't believe that is how God has called us to live.

[[steps down from soap box]]

The One Where I Say, "Thank You!"

Okay, so I was getting ready to write up a quick post about my new toddler-bed-sleeping baby almost 3-year-old, but first I felt compelled to take a minute to write a quick post to say Thank You to the MANY people who read this post and offered kind words to me through encouraging facebook comments and private messages. I did not realize how many people have experienced issues with their thyroid, whether it by hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism ('cause they're quite different!), nor did I realize the MANY various ways others have found relief from the symptoms of thyroid disease.

T H A N K  Y O U !

It is so encouraging to know I'm not alone in this! And it's inspiring to see that -- when we take just a moment to be vulnerable enough to share what's really happening in our lives, and not the "perfection" we seem to portray on social media -- people will respond in wonderful, unexpected, and encouraging ways!

I'm so very grateful for those of you who continue to support my family and I as we "do life" together. Thank you for being a blessing!

First Surgery... Six Years Later

Six years ago today, at 6:33 AM, I watched helplessly as my 7-day-old son was wheeled down a long hallway inside the Medical University of South Carolina, towards the Operating Room, to undergo his first life-saving open-heart surgery, the Norwood Operation. This was the last picture I took of him before he was wheeled away to the OR:

It would be a grueling, arduous 8 hours and 23 minutes before we received word that the surgery was complete. I can recall those moments in the PCICU waiting room in vivid detail, as if it were just yesterday that I helplessly awaited each and every update from the OR, informing me of whether or not my newborn baby was handling this open-heart operation as we had hoped and prayed. I remember who was there with us as we waited. I remember the sights and sounds of the waiting room. I remember the smell of the antibacterial hand soap in the bathrooms. I remember walking into the PCICU throughout the day to grab the key to the pumping room to develop a supply of milk to nourish my baby via ng-tube, since it was uncertain when or if he would be able to take a bottle. I remember walking across the street for lunch. I remember the relationships with other families in similar situations with their children that we established. It all seems so surreal -- like it was yesterday, but also a lifetime ago.

This is what I shared on my blog on November 2, 2009 after I saw Chase for the very first time following surgery:

Hubs and I got to see Chase for about 5 minutes once he was stable in the PCICU following his surgery. They had a blanket over him so I didn't see his open chest or any of the chest tubes, lines, etc. that were added during the surgery. He looked very peaceful and not as swollen as I was expecting, although we were told he would get more swollen over the next day or two. Luckily we were very pleased to hear he was already peeing out some of the excess fluid, which was a big blessing to know his renal system was functioning well so soon after surgery. We were also told they had been able to reduce some of the medications he was on as well! This is all very encouraging!!! 

I will admit I'm fearful of the next 24 to 48 hours as Chase's body responds to the major changes to his heart and circulatory system. I'm scared we're going to get a call at 2AM telling us something is terribly bad with him. But I know that's just my human side trying to prepare for the worst-case scenario, when truly I should be focusing on the miracle of what God did in Chase's life today and the peace He's given me for our future and our little boy! This is hard but I know it's doable with God in control of our lives. 

This is the first photo I took of Chase after he returned from the OR. There were so many lines, wires, medications... it was unbelievable to see my newborn baby like this. The nurse had placed a blanket over his chest so I wouldn't be able to see his beating heart, as his chest was left open following the surgery to account for swelling (it would be 3 days before the surgeon would close his chest).

Today, as I think of the past 6 years and the path God has brought us through, I cannot help but thank Him and praise Him for his love, mercy, and healing touch on my sweet son! Just last week, we had the honor and privilege of celebrating six years with this incredible boy! He is such an amazing, compassionate, and loving little guy and the biggest blessing in my life! ♥

An Epic Post: Chase's 5th Birthday Party!

Well, he did it! Chase turned FIVE YEARS OLD on Sunday! This was a day I could literally only hope, dream and pray for ever since we first heard that our son would be born with HALF A HEART.

Honestly, the statistics at that time of whether or not he'd reach his 5th birthday were staggering to say the least. It's something I've kept with me from Day 1: my son may not live to see his 5th birthday. Lots of amazing, strong heart warriors just like Chase have lost their battles all too soon. I can think of so many off the top of my head that were up against the same odds as Chase but sadly were not able to keep fighting. I say that we are blessed to have Chase in our lives, and that he is a living, breathing miracle right before our very eyes. And this couldn't be more true! I thank God every single day that He's chosen to give us Chase and I pray that we have a lifetime to watch him grow into the man God created him to be.

So, you can imagine, how completely emotional I have been while making preparations for this party. It of course is all about celebrating Chase, but for me, personally, it's also about the fact I've made it through the longest, hardest, most unimaginably difficult journey of my entire life. The ups and downs, the toll it's taken on more areas in my life than I can count, the relationships that have been lost, the fears of the unknown... so much pain that no one could adequately prepare to handle.

But, BUT! It's also about celebrating those who have been with us on this journey, lifting us up in prayer, supporting us with calls, texts, meals, gifts, childcare, etc. and loving us through it all! Those who have been shoulders to cry on, sympathetic ears to listen, arms to wrap around us and carry us when we weren't able to move another step. Those who interceded on our behalf and brought Chase to the feet of the Lord in prayer as he faced yet another heart surgery, heart catheterization or other painful procedure.

I could never find the words to express my gratitude and appreciation for the family, friends, strangers and blog readers across the world that have followed our journey with Chase. Each of you will forever be a part of our lives and the memories of our experiences through the past 5 years.

THANK YOU!!!

Now then, without further ado, I bring you a photo-laden, excessively-detailed recap of this incredibly special day.

Party Theme: Mario Kart 8

Not surprisingly, Chase decided he wanted a Mario Kart 8 birthday party. Believe it or not, this was quite different than his request last year for a Super Mario Bros. party. Totally different. ;)

I designed his invitation using Photoshop Elements 8 (because I'm too cheap for the full version and/or a current version). After printing them on white card stock, I then cut triangle pennant flags out of checkered fabric, and sewed them onto the card stock. Next, I used colored card stock that matched the party theme (red, yellow, green & blue), and attached the invitation to it. Finally, used a large star-shaped punch to create super stars, gave them eyes, and then used hot glue to attach them to the invitation (I wanted them slightly raised off the paper to add dimension). I LOVE LOVE LOVE the way they turned out!

LOTS and LOTS of planning went into this party. Of course everyone knows the kid would've been happy with a toy car, an empty box and some cheese puffs, but that just didn't seem "party" enough to me. LOL! So I cannot tell you how many hours I spent making cute and fun things to add a special touch to the party. I really love doing those things, but I think I bit off a bit much considering I'm also homeschooling and keeping up with all of the regular demands of life. Whew! But enough venting... let's continue!

The day before his birthday, we made plans to take him to a local amusement place to ride the go-karts. THIS was the biggest and most awesomest thing in his little world. He LOVES the go-karts and doesn't care one tiny bit that he's not big enough to drive them himself yet. I think he actually prefers riding along with mommy. ;)

And this girl? Whoa. She loves her some go-kart fun, too! Check out that face!!! Love.

Then, on his big day, we of course began with birthday pancakes -- and they were his favorite: chocolate chip!!

He patiently waited for his pancakes... perhaps a wee bit excited about all the day had in store for him. I could just eat up that smile!

A birthday wish!

Party Decor

After pancakes, it was time for church! Then home for lunch, a quick nap (giving us adequate time for our last-minute preparations), then... PARTY TIME!

We invited our guests inside with a sign on our front door made from racing pennant flags I had printed along with cutout letters in a Super Mario font that read, "Welcome Race Fans!"

Inside, the decor was a bit minimal, with the exception of several balloons and lots of checkered racing print!

The party was on the first floor of our home, and I wanted to ensure we didn't have any wanderers getting lost upstairs. So between the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs (this was legit -- we had two littles at the party we didn't want navigating stairs) and the sign I posted, we were able to successfully keep the party in its designated area.

One of my favorite features of the decor was a 24"x36" "chalkboard" print I created in PS Elements listing lots of facts about Chase. I found the idea online but definitely made it my own. It was fun interviewing Chase for this project! I had no idea he loved SLEEP. What 5-year-old loves to sleep? And I had no idea his favorite movie was The Lego Movie as he had only seen it one time in the theatre. But this was such a fun way to learn more about him, and I'm sure I'll want to do something similar for E and LO's next birthdays as well.

I set up a gift table in the corner of the room, covered with the checkered print.

Side note: This kid received waaaaaaaay more awesome books, toys, movies, games and clothes than necessary! I need to talk to our friends and family and tell them to be a little less generous next time! ;)

The birthday banner I made for him 3 years ago was over the fireplace, with updated images of Mario Kart to keep it tied into the theme. A few balloons and some more checkered print over the fireplace, and voila! Done.

Outside we did LOTS of checkered print decorations. I mean, LOTS. Like, as in, hopefully the party guests weren't dizzy from the sheer volume of black and white checkered surfaces everywhere.

We covered the posts in the backyard (as well as the column on the front porch) and hung 2' plastic pennant flags.

Outside, I reused his birthday banner from last year's Super Mario Bros. party with an updated "5" for this year.

In the front yard, we staked off the driveway and hung the plastic pennant flags because we knew we'd need the driveway clear for a certain little gift later in the evening. I added a little sign to keep with our theme. And I don't think this was too much of an inconvenience for our guests considering there's a ginormous parking lot literally across the street from our house. So convenient!

The last thing our guests would see as they were leaving after the party was the "Thank You" table I had set up with a couple of party favors. I covered the mirror at our entryway with my beloved checkered print and cut out the letters and stars. Then I took a goofy pic of Chase in this year's Halloween costume (spoiler alert: it's Mario, again) and added it to the sign. Cuteness!

The little buckets are for the kids and each contains Chase's favorites: fruit snacks, chocolate chip granola bars and M&Ms. I also added a little "1st Place" trophy. Ultimately, the purpose of the party favor buckets was to hold all of the party favors I made that I wanted to send home with each child...

Party Favors

For the kids, I wanted to make party favors that could be incorporated into the party. Or maybe, I actually wanted items used at the party to also be party favors. Ya, that last one sounds about right.

So for starters, I decided to make Mario-themed hats for all of the children. The girls all had their very own Princess Peach crown. See one modeled on my adorable little niece below.

I didn't get a photo of the hats all set out on the table before the party, but here are some of the boys wearing the Mario and Luigi hats I sewed. I'll be honest -- these things were a bit more of a task than I had expected them to be, but I'm glad I did it, even if they didn't come out exactly as I had envisioned.

My next sewing project involved lanyards I made from a checkered print fabric I found at JoAnn's. Then I added swivel clips from Amazon to complete the lanyard. I didn't get pics of them before the party, but you can see them modeled on these two crazies here!! LOL!

What were the lanyards for? Good question! I made Mario Kart 8 driver's licenses for each of the kids. I included their name, a character, and made up a "level" and a nickname for each of them. I also made up a "crash count" -- as if it's possible to track the number of crashes when playing Mario Kart! Ha!

Chase, a.k.a. "The Dominator," was the only Expert driver at the party, and had the least number of crashes. I figured it was his big day, so I ought to make him extra awesome!

LO, a.k.a. "Speedy," was an Intermediate level because, let's face it, she's always asking Chase how he did something when they're playing Wii U. Chase is the king of the Wii U in our house. So much mad skill for such a young gamer!

I couldn't leave out the little kiddos. E had his very own license, too, although I didn't allow him behind the wheel. Um, except that one time... And yes, my kids call him "Goo-Goo" or "Goo-Goo Face" or "Goo-Goo Pants" or some other variable containing "Goo-Goo" so that's where his nickname came from.

Notice anything special about the driver's license ID numbers? Those first 8 digits are pretty meaningful to our celebration. The last two were just added on to help me keep track of this party favor project.

I also made party favors for the adults to take home -- I'd hate for anyone to leave one of our parties empty-handed! So I purchased half-pint Ball glass jars and filled them with cake and frosting! I used Duff Goldman's Confetti Cake in a Jar video for these. He made his confetti cake and a swiss meringue buttercream frosting. I hear these were delish, but I never actually tried one myself. I added wooden spoons from Amazon and a label on the top that said, "Thank You! Love, Chase."

Food

Can anyone tell me how it is possible I had a party at my home that did NOT include endless photos of the food table?! I mean, seriously! How did this happen!?? Honestly there's nothing too exciting to share, but I always try to include photos of the yummy spread of food and somehow completely overlooked it this time around. But here's a simple breakdown along with links to the recipes:

Caprese Bites

Stuffed Cucumbers

Rainbow Fruit Skewers

Cheese Star with crackers (This was my friend's awesome cheese ball recipe in the shape of a star.)

For dinner, Chase made it super simple for us by requesting his favorite -- Papa John's pizza, which I served alongside a large salad. We were happy to oblige and appreciated the simplicity of it all! The guests didn't seem to mind terribly, even though I was wishing I had a different menu to offer rather than pizza. But it was the birthday boy's big day, so I had to run with his wishes.

Racing Fun

The main activities for the party would be kart building kits that the kids would assemble and then racing said karts outside on a sweet track hubs built. So, to prepare for this, we purchased all of the Mario Kart K'nex Building Sets and I repackaged them into bags with individualized labels matching the party theme (these would also serve as another party favor for the kids to take home). I let Chase decide which of his friends would be each Mario Kart character, so that's how they were assigned (in case anyone wondered). I may or may not have completed several of the first few assembly steps for the younger kids so they wouldn't get frustrated or spend the entire time building the kart and not have any time to race it, especially considering some had around 66 pieces while others had only 24 or so.

Once all (or most) of the karts were completed, we went outside to start the races! Somebody was pretty excited about all of this... :)

I think several of the kids were excited about it, actually, and they all seemed to have a fun time!

Here's a little look at the ramp hubs made. He did a great job making it to my specifications! The kids helped him paint it, too!

I really think Chase enjoyed the racing activity!

A certain little someone also had a great time -- even if she was part race kart driver and part pegasus.

Goofy boy!

And they're off!!!

My beautiful niece wasn't as into the racing as she was the swing set! And who could blame her? So sweet!

This kid was in heaven! He loved all of the activity outside and the people everywhere! He just strutted around the backyard and did his thing.

The Cake

Next up? The delicious, amazing cake provided to us courtesy of Icing Smiles. Icing Smiles is a nonprofit organization that provides custom celebration cakes and other treats to families impacted by the critical illness of a child. They provide one "Dream Cake" and this one was Chase's. A wonderful baker in our area made this for us and it turned out wonderful! And it tasted great, too! Chase was a huge fan, especially because it had some Mario Kart toys on it he could play with later.

Happy Birthday, dear Chase! Make a wish!!

Gifts

After cake and ice cream, it was time for this guy to open the loot of goodies that were awaiting him. I was a bit worried he'd be reserved and shy with so many people there watching him, but he surprised me and didn't seem to mind being the center of attention! That spot is usually reserved for big sis, but she did a great job of letting him have his day.

Once the gifts were unwrapped and "Thank You's" were expressed by the birthday boy to our guests, I mentioned to him that daddy and I had one more present for him, but that I thought it was outside.

I then led him to the front yard, with our guests following close behind, and caught the greatest face EVER at the very moment he saw what awaited him in the driveway.

And the look of shock and disbelief only continued to grow as he ran closer and closer to the awaiting gift.

It quickly turned into an all-out squealing run!

OhMyWord! Can you believe it!? His very own Mario Kart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You could say LO was a bit surprised to see this little gem in our driveway as well. ;)

This kid. He didn't waste any time. He jumped in, threw on the seatbelt and was off before we could say, "Let's Go!"

He enjoyed driving it around the street a few times before he came back inside to change. He needed to change. Into what, you ask? Why, his Mario costume, of course!

Have you EVER IN YOUR LIFE seen ANYTHING as ADORABLE as this?!?! I mean, really. I love love love love love this boy!!!

After the excitement of his very own Mario Kart, it was time to head inside and play Mario Kart 8!

These kids! They loved playing Mario Kart, and I find it completely hilarious that Mario himself is playing along. So cute!!!

Whew! I know that was a LOT of detail and a LOT of photos, so if you've made it to the end here, thanks a lot for sharing in our special day! We are so proud of the amazing little boy Chase is and could not be more grateful to God for giving us this miracle to love, kiss, hug, squeeze and laugh with every single day!

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY, CHASE!!!!!

I LOVE YOU BUNCHES!!!!!